With A Punch and A Kiss

"And when he comes,
your Maker will greet
you with a punch and
a kiss."
--excerpt from "Laundry Room"

"I will not leave you alone. You are mine. I know each of My sheep by name. You belong to me. If you think I am finished with you, if you think I am a small god that you can keep at a safe distance, I will pounce upon you like a roaring lion, tear you to pieces, rip you to shreds, and break every bone in your body. Then I will mend you, cradle you in my arms, and kiss you tenderly."--Brennen Manning

There are times in our lives where all the love and all the encouragement falls on a fading heart, where the kind words and sincere prayers make no impression. There are times where what we need to hear is a harsh truth...spoken in love of course, but harsh and true nonetheless. There are times we have an unknown, unspoken craving for heart to be shocked back into life.

I am in one such season. Unhappily unchurched for almost three years. Feeling dry, distant and extremely jaded. I've known the toll its taken on my cognitive spirituality but have not cared...for that is merely head knowledge and doesn't cut to the core of who God created me to be. I met with an old teacher/pastor/friend last week and for the first time in three years heard what I needed to realize the depth of my depravity in this season.

He spoke to the woman he knew years ago;
the creative artist,
the passionate servant teacher,
the joyful follower and
the eager student.

He spoke to what he saw now,
an unchurched follower who is allowing my gifts to wither on the vine,
the deer panting for water because I am so far from the stream.

That was the punch.

This is the kiss...

I am running back to wide open arms:
"I still stand here waiting,with my eyes fixed on the road,and I fight back tears and I wonder,if you're ever coming home,don't you know son that I love you,and I don't care where you've been,yes and I'll be right here waiting,'til you come around the bend,and I run to you and hold you close,won't let go again,so please come home,please come home..." --Dustin Kensrue "Please Come Home"

I am not naive enough to think this will be a easy thing, that walking back into church with the intent to be involved and revived will be a cake walk. I know it will be hard, I know I will struggle to trust and to be known. But I know it is clearly time.

As such is the Lord's character he deals with his people in love and kindness yet overt persistence...over the years he has not once left my side, not when I stopped going to church, not when I stopped reading his Word, not when I started praying only when I needed it...no, he held me this whole time no matter the struggle I put up...but that is our pursing King...never leaves his child no matter our rebellious ways. His gentle nudging and now his strong push leave me bare and ready to walk with him, not merely carried by him.

It is truly humbling to know to what lengths the Lord will pursue, to what depths he will follow to protect, to what heights he will scale to love the proud and to what distances he will run to welcome the prodigal.