Settle.

Is there ever a time when settling is the best choice we can make?

Could I ever give in and actually choose to settle?

I met up with a friend the other night and the conversation found its way to my least favorite topic...church. I dread going to church these days, mainly because I haven't found my trifecta (Matt Chandler preaching, Mars Hill worship and the fellowship/authenticity of Capernwray). And as I shared with my friend how I'd decided on a church then back peddled essentially because of one sermon, I knew in my gut that he was going to challenge me on this. And I was not happy, yet God has a way of ordaining certain conversations and moments to speak wildly into your heart, I suppose this can occur while looking at a Bible verse in the middle of a crowded and loud pub.

"Let us not give up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing..." Hebrews 10:25

I think a few other verses were thrown out but this is the one that stuck. I fully understand the implications of a lonely faith and I recognize God's desire for his people to share life together, yet hurt and fear keep me from obedience. But this is a tension I must start to wrestle. I've held on desperately to the hope that I will walk into a church and feel at peace but this hasn't happened and I'm starting to think it may never because I am searching for something that does not exist this side of Glory.

My friend told me I need to settle for a church.

To me that is weakness...that is a death. Settling has never been an acceptable word in my vocabulary. I strive to live abundantly avoiding mediocrity at all costs, anything of worth I refuse second best. So to hear someone seriously say that I need to settle made my core rise up and want to fight, to prove him wrong. But as I've been mulling over this today I've started to wonder if just maybe this is an opportunity to experience God's strength in a new way.

"...my power is made perfect in weakness..." 2 Corinthians 12:9

No one wants to admit they are weak and I am no exception. Choosing a church I do not hands down love scares me immensely. It makes me feel small and at risk. But am I robbing God of moving in a great way? Could it be that for me to settle is the greatest act of obedience I can offer in this season? The greatest sacrifice?

To be honest, I don't know what my decision will be. I don't want a "settled soul mate" church. But I feel the Spirit's leading and challenge. God has beckoned me to struggle this and I will. I will fight it and I know full well that I will lose but if I come out with a conviction it will not be in vain.