Reality v. Want

I had this friend growing up who was just a breath of fresh air. The exubrance she brought and the flair she had was just refreshing. She spoke of life with a frankness and maturity that most teenagers shouldn't have been able to do so, yet she did. To the most dramatic moment in her life was ring of comedy. She was open and honest in her struggles and shared, sometimes too much, her struggles with sin. Yet I loved her and apperciated her so much because she lived life seemingly without fear. Everyday was an adventure on her roller coaster life. I remember a time when we got hopped on Jolt cola at a Christmas play at church and we're going crazy in the back row laughing and just being 7th grade girls. We were there for each other as much as we could be both in hard times and joyful times. I went to all her plays she came with me to TP our high school pastor's house. What can I say, it was a great friendship. I would trade quite a lot in this world to have it back.

I know this is sounding like this dear friend is dead, and in a sense, she is.

Oh sure, she still breathes and inhabits this earth, she lives and goes to Starbucks (because all Seattle people do) and listens to music, probably still acts like nobody else (she really should be on Broadway) and goes to bars and lives for herself. And in that sense, she's dead. The hardest thing I've had to struggle with God over in some time.

After college the all too familar story played out...we just drifted apart. I haven't seen her really since the end of freshman year. I've heard from others who've seen her that she's just not looking to well, and worse, that she's not walking with God. And that breaks my heart. Though I've always held onto this shred of hope in my heart that she's a Christian, she's just not living it right now. In Theology class we've been talking about salvation and the different views and election, predesintation and all those big words. Something struck a chord with me this week. We talked about can a person, a true believer, wander intentionally from God and still be saved.

The question, at face may look like asking if a person can lose their salvation, which is not true. But it more questions if the individual was ever truly saved at all. For a Christian to intentionally, unrepentently wander God will take them out. This happened in my family. My aunt was killed when she was a teenager but we all hold that it was because she was getting involved with some bad friends and was being stubborn about getting back in her relationship with God. She was a Christian and before she could wander too far, God took her home. What of those who wander intentionally and unrepentently so and never get taken out? After some discussion a very sobering thought came to surface--they weren't really saved to begin with. They just paid lip service, looked like they were growing but there was no root at all in them. Which means this friend of mine is more than likely dead spiritually and was never alive.

Intellectually, this makes sense. Theologically, this makes sense (John 15). Emotionally, this makes me yell at God.