Homesick
"Cuz we don't belong here no no we don't belong here. And we'll be dancing, singing, bringing our praises by lifting our voices to Jesus there'll be no more crying, lying or dying when you and I are in heaven." --Paul Wright "Heaven"
"We rock forever, we stop whenever/We die whenever, we live forever/Its a phenonomon that can't be stopped/Forever, we stop whenever." --Toby Mac "Phenonomon"
"I'm scared but I know my home is in another world." --Max, from the TV show "Roswell"
Lately I've been spending some time thinking about what it means to be aliens and strangers in this world. I've heard that cheesy phrase, "homesick for heaven" numerous times in my life but didn't take it to heart or, to be honest, really think it was true. I didn't understand that I could be homesick but the past few months I have expericenced this heavenly homesickness.
It started on December 2 when I was to have this huge dinner celebration for my birthday. Please don't get me wrong I am so thankful for the few that showed up, it meant so incredibly much to me that they took time out of their busy schedules to celebrate with me. But I was more discouraged then built up. Following this was a series of similar disappointments, people not showing up for coffee talks, people ignoring me, people being people. At church most of all. It got to the point where I enjoyed work at Starbucks more than I did going to church. That's sad. I was hurt by the lack of love I was feeling. The fact that I am not able to fully serve as I want to or to use my gifts as much as I want to. The fact that being a woman in the Christian world just sucks for me right now.
However, I can look at that and say to myself: "Get over it." But what really started to strike me is how jacked up this world is. The children starving in other third world countries, the invisible children, the homosexual lifestyle no longer being tolerated but embraced, the rising divorce rate among Christian couples, the violence and abuse in this society, the lack of morals among so many, and so on. I found myself angry as I'd wake up and start my day. It just pissed me off to hear all the crap in this world, and how as a byproduct so many innocent people are harmed.
I kept trying to think that my disappointment with life and my anger towards this fallen world was something I just had to get over. Then I read 1 Peter 2:11 where we called aliens and strangers. I started to wonder if maybe God was trying to speak to my heart through all of this. I remembered an old friend of mine had once commented that this verse reminded her we were just on one crappy vaction. It started to click. I'm not of this world. Of course I'm disappointed, frustrated and angry...its not my home.
Hebrews 11:3 says that those mentioned in the "hall of faith" all admitted they were aliens and strangers on earth. That totally caught my eye. I'm now in the middle of studying this more but I am so excited for what God is showing me. That in my disappointment I can see Christ's faithfulness and how in Heaven disappointment is done away with. Frustration with people and politics will be non-exisistent. The anger I feel towards this world is because it is fallen, heaven is perfect...I will not feel anger.
I'm not perfect, I know I let people down. I know I can frustrate people and hurt them with the best. But I do know this is not how life was intended to be and for the first time in my 23 years I finally see life as what it is, temporal and a crappy vaction. But knowing I'm not of this world, knowing I don't belong here is starting to give me a new view on life, "you can't kill a man when he's already dead." --John Cooper. Its becoming my conviction that those of great faith know this is not their home and live with a boldness and audacity that comes from that knowledge, a fearlessness that keeps them going and a hope that sustains them.
"We rock forever, we stop whenever/We die whenever, we live forever/Its a phenonomon that can't be stopped/Forever, we stop whenever." --Toby Mac "Phenonomon"
"I'm scared but I know my home is in another world." --Max, from the TV show "Roswell"
Lately I've been spending some time thinking about what it means to be aliens and strangers in this world. I've heard that cheesy phrase, "homesick for heaven" numerous times in my life but didn't take it to heart or, to be honest, really think it was true. I didn't understand that I could be homesick but the past few months I have expericenced this heavenly homesickness.
It started on December 2 when I was to have this huge dinner celebration for my birthday. Please don't get me wrong I am so thankful for the few that showed up, it meant so incredibly much to me that they took time out of their busy schedules to celebrate with me. But I was more discouraged then built up. Following this was a series of similar disappointments, people not showing up for coffee talks, people ignoring me, people being people. At church most of all. It got to the point where I enjoyed work at Starbucks more than I did going to church. That's sad. I was hurt by the lack of love I was feeling. The fact that I am not able to fully serve as I want to or to use my gifts as much as I want to. The fact that being a woman in the Christian world just sucks for me right now.
However, I can look at that and say to myself: "Get over it." But what really started to strike me is how jacked up this world is. The children starving in other third world countries, the invisible children, the homosexual lifestyle no longer being tolerated but embraced, the rising divorce rate among Christian couples, the violence and abuse in this society, the lack of morals among so many, and so on. I found myself angry as I'd wake up and start my day. It just pissed me off to hear all the crap in this world, and how as a byproduct so many innocent people are harmed.
I kept trying to think that my disappointment with life and my anger towards this fallen world was something I just had to get over. Then I read 1 Peter 2:11 where we called aliens and strangers. I started to wonder if maybe God was trying to speak to my heart through all of this. I remembered an old friend of mine had once commented that this verse reminded her we were just on one crappy vaction. It started to click. I'm not of this world. Of course I'm disappointed, frustrated and angry...its not my home.
Hebrews 11:3 says that those mentioned in the "hall of faith" all admitted they were aliens and strangers on earth. That totally caught my eye. I'm now in the middle of studying this more but I am so excited for what God is showing me. That in my disappointment I can see Christ's faithfulness and how in Heaven disappointment is done away with. Frustration with people and politics will be non-exisistent. The anger I feel towards this world is because it is fallen, heaven is perfect...I will not feel anger.
I'm not perfect, I know I let people down. I know I can frustrate people and hurt them with the best. But I do know this is not how life was intended to be and for the first time in my 23 years I finally see life as what it is, temporal and a crappy vaction. But knowing I'm not of this world, knowing I don't belong here is starting to give me a new view on life, "you can't kill a man when he's already dead." --John Cooper. Its becoming my conviction that those of great faith know this is not their home and live with a boldness and audacity that comes from that knowledge, a fearlessness that keeps them going and a hope that sustains them.
posted by KJ at
3:45 PM
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