CSI Meets Bible Parable

Wednesday I heard the Audio Adrenaline song "Leaving Ninety-Nine" and I've been thinking about it all week...what does that look like? Sure I've read the Bible story and I've been taught this all my life and I myself have taught others this. (Luke 15)

"Your never to far down, I promise you'll be found, I'll reach into the mud and miry clay, pursue you to the end, like a faithful friend, nothing in this world could keep me away."

I've not doubted this. But I've taken it for granted. Sometimes as divine and wonderful as the Word is we just don't get it all the way. We need something to spark our intellect and understanding. I watched CSI tonight, it was a repeat of last seasons where Stokes was kidnapped and buried alive and the CSI force that went looking for him. And when they found his location the image of countless men and women looking for him, to save him. And it clicked. Like the CSI guys didn't give up and put everything else on hold to find him is exactly picture of God.

Fragile and Fleeting

There are moments in which we realize how little control we have over our lives. Last Sunday night was another one for me. On my way home my car started to swerve into the shoulder and when I tried to correct it my car started to spin. I ended up slaming into the cement blocks on the shoulder facing the wrong direction. The car has a minor dent and I'm fine, just a little shaken and sore. As I look back and replay it over and over and over in my mind I realize how lucky I've been...no not lucky, protected by God. So many variables that could have changed everything and it could have been so much worse.

I find it rather perplexing as I think back on how many times I have almost died. All the way back to when I was a baby. I don't understand why God continues to protect me and save me. I used to think because there was so incredibly great and big and wonderful purpose he needed to use me for but I'm wondering if its more that he just wants me to live. To live for him, to be me and to spread his truth and love. Its got me thinking again about the difference between a medicore life and abundant life. And how its all about the manner in which you live not in what you accomplish.

It seems after each experience I have where I reflect on my life I always come to the same conclusion--I want to make my life count. Even if I never do anything great, noteworthy or famous I want to live in such a way that I make a difference and leave a legacy. I think about my dad and how he already has a legacy...the Crossroads Bible Church youth group and the thousands of kids he's reached out to and the thousands they've reached out to and so on. My dad isn't famous and he's never written a book or spoken at a big confrence or anything but he has lived in such a way that he has left a legacy and has made a difference in countless lives. He has lived with integrity and humility and has been faithful to God. He's not even dead yet, he's so much alive and will be for many years and I think about what else will be in his legacy and I think about what I want mine to be. And I hope that I can have the same impact, leaving my mark on whatever little corner of this planet God takes me.

...And God Responds...

Last night in the middle of my minor nervous breakdown I was prompted to read Foster's Devotional Classics. Its been months since I've read any and I honestly didn't think that would help thus I ignored the Spirit's prompting for a few hours. Before going to be I was doing my nightly reading in Proverbs, I set my Bible down and on the floor was Devotional Classics. It caught my eye and with a small sigh I picked it up, thumbed thru it to where I'd left off. An excerpt from St. Augustine's Confessions. One quote jumped out at me and I literally caught my breath in a moment of utter humility:

"Why do you stand in your own strength and fail? Cast yourself upon God and have no fear. He will not shrink away and let your fall."

Boom.

On the Verge of Tears

I pretty much realized today that everything is out of my control. Literally. My bank account is at $0, homework is piling up, friends I've alienated because of working like a dog and getting paid peanuts and trying to do this school thing and serving in jr. high ministry they unfortunately have been the ones I've neglected. Which I hate. I hate that I don't have the time I once had, or the money to hang out. I hate that I spend more time trying to pitch junk and childhood memories of mine on Craig's list than I do talking with my friends. I hate that no matter how much I try to do life I feel I fail miserably. And I hate that lately I have too often questioned God in a way that frustrates me. I just don't understand this and I catch myself wondering if He really will provide for me. I've heard it said "God pays for what he orders" but this is the first time where I've really questioned this idea, this is the first time where I must rely on God, and I don't mean to sound trite...honestly, I have no choice but to trust him and to continue on, wondering how I'm going to get everything done, make time for friends and my girls and pay the bills.

Welcome to the harsh realities of life Kristin.